alkonost_storm: (Military Man)
Category: New York Times Democracy Corporate-Dominated Sham Democracy
Civil Rights:
Excellent
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Excellent

^Considering my nation is now using a Seto Kaiba fanart as its flag, this is oddly appropriate, in light of the history of Old!KC. Also amusing.

Now for Conservative!NS:

Category: New York Times Democracy New York Crimes So-Called Democracy
Civil Rights:
Excellent
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Excellent
alkonost_storm: (Military Man 2)
The Stormcrown of Snoozing Buffalax goes from Inoffensive Centrist Democracy to Fascist (Liberal) or Communist (Conservative)

...Is it bad I'm terribly amused by this? XD
alkonost_storm: (Military Man 2)
The Issue

A fire has recently ripped through Storm's End, destroying homes and businesses alike. Now the debate rages as to who should receive the bulk of the relief fund.
The Debate

  1. "The fire burned thousands of ordinary people out of house and home!" wails Roger Cruz, an affected resident, "If the government doesn't help the average Joe, then what good is it at all? We need that relief fund to repair the damages! I'm sure the fat cats in the commercial district will pitch a fit, but they're the only ones who could afford enough insurance coverage."


  2. "Oh, the wasted money!" moans Gertie James, owner of Basket-case for Baskets. "It was storefronts and restaurants that bore the brunt of the fire, and they're the ones that need help now! Do you have any idea how flammable baskets are? If we don't get the relief we're entitled to, the economy is going to sink. And then where will these citizens be? In a rebuilt house without a job, that's where!"


  3. Chris Hamilton, a noted anarchist, is appalled at the whole debate. "Relief fund? Giving money?! Now the government has to choose which social class to favor, and here's the big punch line, there is no right choice! We need to do away with the relief fund altogether, slash taxes and leave the people and businesses to rebuild without government meddling. Yes, there will be some 'I don't have any money' sob stories. Boo-freaking-hoo. It's not the government's job to bail them out because they failed to prepare."


  4. "I always said there's an opportunity in every disaster," councils Randy Goethe, your Minister of Underhanded Affairs. "We're not doing so hot in the polls right now. This fire is only going to put more of a strain on us. Now as I remember, the good ol' Minority Leader is head of the Storm's End Oversight Committee. Let's shift the focus onto it being his screw up, have a trial by media and he'll be indicted by next week. The public will burn him at the stake instead of us!"


The Government Position

The government has yet to formalize a position on this issue.







I have a ministry to cover just about every political scenario. Figures. XD
alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)
I swear, that has to be the only explanation for this:

PIRATE DAY LOL
alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)


The Issue

After a tabloid newspaper printed a photograph of you picking your nose in a restaurant, the government is considering introducing guidelines for journalists wishing to take pictures of you.

The Debate

1."Whatever happened to freedom of press?" asks paparazzo Harry Brown, indignantly. "Why aren't you allowing honest, hardworking people like myself to do our jobs? If our beloved leader slips on a banana peel, that's big news on the level of national security! We must be allowed to take pictures of you whenever we want, wherever we want! Oh, and any comment on the rumors you had a one-night stand with your nei..." The question is cut off as a horde of journalists crowd in to ask questions.

2.The Minister of Press Relations, who is coincidentally your neighbor, agrees that your privacy needs to be protected. "That photograph was clearly an intrusion on your right to privacy. However, we can compromise and give the media 'authorized photo moments'. It's perfect. You get to keep your privacy, and on special occasions, photographers are allowed to take pictures and ask questions. Of course, anyone who disrespects this media code will have their privileges revoked."

3.Wil King, your overly-attentive aide, grins. "I like that idea, but it doesn't go nearly far enough. How about we control exactly what the media can and cannot publish? That way, we can make the citizens adore you and your skeletons stay hidden in the closet."


Apparently, Elisif is quite a party girl...XD
alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)

The Issue

A lowly bureaucrat riffling through some old paperwork has happened across a rather alarming and disturbing fact: the documentation affirming yourself as Snoozing Buffalax's head of state was filled out improperly and now, at least for the moment, Snoozing Buffalax has no official leader!

The Debate

1."There is no need to panic," says Ariel Shiomi, a senior archivist. "I've prepared a new document. All you need to do is sign across the dotted line and you will be our esteemed leader once again. Here! I've even brought a pen."

2."Give me that!" interrupts your brother, incorrigible as always. "I've got an idea, bear with me for a moment... a few penstrokes here... a few clauses there... finished. Now you can set yourself up as Supreme Evil Overlord For Life! If you don't have complete control then where's the fun? That's what I say. I've taken the liberty of cutting some of the more boring departments, we only really need the police and military in my opinion. Oh! You get a free space hopper too."

3."Hold on! Don't sign it yet! Have you ever heard the saying 'two heads are better than one'?" asks Hope Wu, your Minister of Complicating Things. "Well, what if we had SEVERAL? I propose we gather the most senior ministers of Snoozing Buffalax to act together as a collective head of state! That's a little more democratic than one person bossing everyone else around. Besides, even if you're not THE leader, your opinions are still deeply respected so it shouldn't be too much of a step down right?"

4."As if ONE leader isn't oppressive enough!" says Naki Winters, a little known representative from one of Snoozing Buffalax's more obscure counties. "Suddenly we need even more? This is a great opportunity for Snoozing Buffalax to lose elitist concepts like 'leaders'. My ma taught me that all men are born equal and yet even in a modern country like this one person can be named Lord and King of everything. One person should not have that much power! Government policy should be the equal responsibility of all Snoozing Buffalax's elected politicians."


5."If we did that, even some crackpot quango would have the same power as the Minister of Defence," argues Chloe Thiesen, who happens to be the Minister of Defence. "That's insane. We need strong leadership' to get things accomplished! Have you ever been in a meeting where everyone's opinion is, ugh, 'equal'? They go on for HOURS. HOURS! Believe me, trying to run a government that way will be a massive, fruitless headache. The leader's word is law, and if people don't get that then maybe a little show of strength courtesy of the military wouldn't go amiss."


Is it bad I heard the Imperial March from Star Wars playing in my head when I read Option #2?
alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)
The Issue

A random PTA meeting has brought the debate over school uniforms to your attention.

The Debate

1."I think uniforms are great," says Rosalia Johnson, your Minister of Education during a cabinet meeting. "They instill a sense of community within our schools which lowers crime - and the pupils can go about their daily business without having to worry about being browbeaten by their classmates for not wearing the latest trainers. Snoozing Buffalax simply cannot do without them. If the children don't like them, then hard cheese."

2."Dude, your plan stinks," says Max Clinton, leader of The Students Union. "Our clothing is part of who we are; it lets us express ourselves just by passing someone in the corridor. To say we must wear these inhibiting uniforms is an affront to our personal freedom! So back off with the uniforms, dude, students should be allowed to go to school dressed however they like. Or not dressed, if that's their style."


STUDENTS HAVE A UNION!?

Just...what.
alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)
The Issue

Opposition newspapers have accused the government of abusing its control over the filibuster ban, which it can use to limit the length of legislative debate. You have consulted multiple people in search of solutions.

The Debate

1."Now, now, my friend," smiles the wealthiest CEO in the Gambling industry, reclining in a shady corner, "We simply can't have a few radicals dictate government policy to us. After all, we do know what's best, don't we? First it's this reform, next it's a slew of unproductive economic policies, and then before you know it they're limiting campaign donations. You can see that some issues have no merit, and are simply not worthy of debate. Perhaps we should even halt the debate before such silliness even begins...?" The CEO hands you a wad of Smeerps. "You agree. Now there's a good leader."

2."I think we can all see the benefits of the filibuster ban," says political science professor, Anne-Marie Goethe. "But it's also true that putting it in the hands of the reigning party coalition is a dangerous centralisation of power. Why not simply have an independent, representative committee to decide what issues are worthy of a lengthy debate? It might be a tad erratic in its priorities, but at least it would give the power back to the people. That's a good thing, right?"

3."The government, all the way up to Leader, has used this ban as a way to control parliament," declares Opposition Whip May Sato, speaking from the Floor, "They're perfectly happy to let debates about the most inconsequential of matters rage on for hours, but when it comes to a serious discussion of Leader's murky ties to prominent members of the Gambling industry or policies genuinely aimed at helping the general public, rather than a select few, the debate comes to a quick close. We must overturn the filibuster ban, post-haste. And I think it is clear to all who suffer from this. That's right, my friends, ladies and gentlemen, casual onlookers, convenient family members, cultural attachés, politically active tourists and constituents, both loyal and traitorous to the greater cause; the people. The people suffer the injustices of a government pandering to its corporate cronies, its oligarchic overlords, its necessary nepotists, if you will. They suffer the delirious - ah - deleterious effects of a government sans filibuster, sans fairness, sans freedom! This ridiculous policy ignores the fact that some things require longer and more serious deliberation - as does, indeed, this very issue. But I am diverging from my abundantly clear point, supported by the voices of a thousand-song crowd outside this very building. And while we might quibble over the numbers - a thousand, I hear you cry? Tens - hundreds! - of thousands, surely? But this ignores the fundamental spirit of the times - zeitgeist, if you will - that we stand against this filibuster ban clearly and unwaveringly. Anyway, a discussion of the genuinely humanitarian policies my party espouses, which require a debate of adequate length for the complexities of which to be fully understood, are quickly relegated as the government trots out its latest quick-fix or vote-snatching policy. Now, to move onto my second point of four-hundred-and-thirty-eight of my first speech - I will, of course, pass over to my comrade on the bench in due course." The security guards by the door notice your discreet signal and step quietly towards the Whip's podium. "Perhaps we should investigate further… excuse me…?" stammers the Whip, as your guards gingerly carry him away. "Ah … yes, thank you for your time."
alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)
The Issue

Following recent elections in Snoozing Buffalax where the Equality for Vilified Inmates League won a noticeable percentage of seats, the media have jumped on the issue of whether or not prisoners should be allowed to vote.

The Debate
1."This is absurd!", argues conservative politician, Lara Fellow. "Why should criminals be allowed to participate in elections like normal people? Voting should be a privilege for the law-abiding members of this country. If someone breaks the law, they must lose the right to have a say in who governs them. At the very least it'll be a good deterrent."

2."You're not going to listen to that clap-trap I hope", says noted liberal commentator Zack Tan. "Voting is a right that everyone should enjoy, regardless of whether or not they have committed a crime. We already punish those who break our law; restricting one's ability to vote is a punishment totally disproportionate to any crime!"
alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)

SNOOZING BUFFALAX IS!

Now if you'll excuse us, the Sultana is going to get high now.

alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)
The Issue

State department officials are in an uproar over the leaking of key government cables by the website WikiSpills. The site's owner, under the nom de plume "El Denunciante," is operating from an anonymous location in neighboring Bigtopia, where the government can't reach him. Snoozing Buffalax's leaders are sharply divided on how to respond.

The Debate

1."This man has done no wrong!" says Al Bush, who also happens to be the head writer of The Storm's End Times Magazine. "The people have a right to transparency of government. El Denunciante is a hero who has revolutionized my magazine sale-er-Freedom of Speech for this country. No state action must be committed that would infringe upon our right to disclose government information, regardless of the effects on diplomatic relations. Besides, it isn't as though you've got anything to hide…do you?"

2."El Denunciante is a terrorist and has committed treason," argues reactionary talk radio host Gertie King. "The fact is, he has consistently presented an anti-Snoozing Buffalax agenda, and people like him need to be stopped from propagandizing their filth. What we need is to block this website and any others which threaten the security of this great nation. Like those opposition party blogs that keep popping up! I mean, what use is personal freedom if you don't have security and peace of mind?"

3."This seems like a lot of needless work, if you ask me," says Cooper Schultz, your brother-in-law, while enjoying a foul-smelling beverage in your office. "Why should the people get to discuss you and your government anyway? Seems to me things would be much easier if you just told them what their opinion was and blocked out all others. After all, who knows what's best for them better than you, am I right? Cheers!"
alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)

The Issue

A man by the name of &%*\@# Smith hit the headlines yesterday when he had his first name legally changed to 'John', citing the ridicule and stress he suffered because of his given name. Mr Smith publicly commented afterwards that there should be more restrictions on what parents can name their children.

The Debate

1."People do so love to be different," says Insert Name Here, with a heavy sigh. "I don't know what my folks were thinking when they named me. Probably about how 'novel' and 'with it' they were being, but I didn't get a say in it did I? Growing up in my neighbourhood with the first name 'Insert' wasn't fun at all I can tell you! The government should set up a registry of recognised names that are clean, sensible, and non-teasable. Kids deserve better."

2."It's none of the government's business what I name my daughter," says Follicle Rainbow Gooseknob, cradling [expletive deleted] in her arms. "Are you going to tell us what to think next? Where to go? Who to love? I don't want some grey-faced bureaucrat deciding what name is appropriate for my child! What kind of country hates personal freedom so much you can't even choose your own name?"

3."Names? Names are so inefficient!" Says Five-Oh-Three McGoohan, counting beads. "Who can honestly tell one Heather Han from another? That name's so popular now, I met three people at the mall with it just last week! Face it! Names are old-hat! Everyone ought to go by a government-allocated ID number instead, much more practical. Who could make fun of a child named Six-Eight-Four?"

SPOILER: I WENT WITH NUMBER 2.
alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)
The Issue

A haggard group of new recruits in Snoozing Buffalax's army have spoken out against the brutal conditions experienced in their military training.

The Debate

1."It's atrocious!" wails Private Billy du Pont, from amidst the cacophony of a parade cadence. "We're forced to sleep in crowded barracks, on hard cots, and do the most inhumane exercises when we wake up! Just today I've had to crawl through a muddy minefield, climb a grease-coated wall, and to top it all off, get mangled by an angry drill sergeant! All we want is a little respect from the officers - maybe to sleep in until noon, and not have to get all sweaty and tired doing stupid things like marching and climbing ropes. Oh, and private bedrooms too - we're risking our lives for the country, after all."

2."THEY WANT WHAT?!" screams Sgt. Burkz, while pressing back a rising vein on her neck. "This is WAR, not DAYCARE! If anything, the training standards should be tougher! If I want to whip some pasty-faced, beer-gutted greenhorn because he can't climb over a razor-wire fence then I should be given the permission to do so right away! The cry-babies won't like it, but they can run home back to their rich daddies if that's the way they're having it. War isn't a walk in the park, and training shouldn't be either. For all our sakes."

3."Training, what a load of old hooey," says renowned spendophobe and radio announcer, Colin Patel. "The only thing it teaches our soldiers is how to shine boots and fight plastic dummies. We'd be better off if we just dropped them into the fight so they could learn to shoot for themselves. There might be a few accidents, but it'll be worth it for all the Smeerps we'll save."

4."There is another way, you know..." whispers Megan Wall, the Chief of Secret Projects and Shiny Things in Snoozing Buffalax's military research department. "What if we started taking children and raising them from birth to fight? We'd be able to make them completely immune to propaganda, psychological warfare, and demoralisation. Not only would that stop the crying new recruits, it'd also give us a powerful military edge. People may not like giving up their kids, but that's why we run the country. We know better."

This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.


IDK if I want to cause an FF8 crisis but...yeah that's what I'm going for.

In response to number 1:

Elisif Baratheon slowly rises from her seat, her gray eyes turning an unsettling hue of silver to indicate her mood. "If you don't want to train then why the hell are you even in the army, Mr. du Pont?"
alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)
The Issue


Ever since the government banned automobiles, furious soccer moms and commuters have been petitioning the government to revoke the ban, citing any number of troubles people have had without their cars.

The Debate

1."The government was being utterly stupid in banning cars, especially at the whim of a bunch of nutjob, tree-hugging bicyclists!" cries Peggy Bronte, CEO of Coo' Stuff, Inc. "My workers are constantly late, they don't work as much because they have to leave early to walk or bike home... leaving this ban in place will only murder the economy!"


2."Well, it's extremely difficult to drive my son to and from school and his after-school sports," comments soccer mom Megan Clinton. "But I don't want my boy inhaling all those icky fumes. I say bring back cars, but put some effort into finding cleaner fuels and the like! Who cares if it costs a small fortune?"


3."What do they know?" whispers a strange woman clad all in green. "You ought to clamp down on these protesters. Without cars, the people are much easier for you to control, are they not?"
alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)
The Issue

The recent popularity of a science-fiction TV show has prompted calls for Snoozing Buffalax to develop its own space program.

The Debate

1."Don't tell me space colonies wouldn't be cool," says excited fifth-grade teacher Max Summers, still wearing big Spock ears from his last convention. "Think of how they would galvanize the national population! And there would also be some kind of scientific benefit, probably."


2."The project certainly is feasible, but very expensive," says Snoozing Buffalax Space Agency Head Bill Sanchez. "We could make it less of a burden on the taxpayers if we sought funding from private industry -- advertisements on the side of our rockets, selling contracts to the Arms Manufacturing industry, that kind of thing."

This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.


3."If God had meant Man to fly, he would have given us solid rocket boosters instead of legs," says religious type Gretel Dodinas. "We should not be looking to the stars, but rather inside our own hearts. That's why we should abandon this so-called space program, and instead make the teaching of religion mandatory in all schools."
alkonost_storm: (Jennifer Government)
Elisif Baratheon deals with the language barrier.

The Issue

A group several thousand strong hailing from a remote, isolated corner of Snoozing Buffalax is staging a massive demonstration on the front steps of your capitol. They demand that their local dialect be recognized as an official language.

The Debate

1.Naki Han, your Minister of Culture, has nothing but disdain for the demonstrators. "The language of Snoozing Buffalax is as important to our national identity as our history is. A truly erudite individual uses perfect grammar and refuses to speak as those ruffians do." Your Finance Minister is quick to chime in as well, "If business is required to print every road sign, instruction manual, and fast-food wrapper in two languages, it would increase everybody's overhead. That means higher prices for the person in the street."

2."Smarker, but ee's gone blongie 'round the clonger! Trandy in the blang warked a newtie on the Cheebers, quaff me a duggle if it's brine. Sorky, hang our trandy high!" says Johann Brown, speaking for the demonstrators, in an apparently rousing response that draws a cascade of cheers. After a few uncomfortable minutes with a professional translator, you find the speaker said, "I respectfully disagree with the Minister. Multilingualism has brought stability to richly-cultured nations such as Brancaland; indeed, I challenge you to provide a single counterexample. I encourage this government to adopt a policy of multilingualism throughout Snoozing Buffalax!"

3.Robin Where, a radical opposition member who seems to tag along to every demonstration she can find, has her own proposal. "The language barrier is keeping us all apart. What Snoozing Buffalax needs is a new identity defined by a new language that we can all agree on. That's unity without favoritism."
alkonost_storm: (Derpunari)


The Issue

Several underground organisations in Snoozing Buffalax have recently been spreading discontent throughout the populace about not being able to vote.

The Debate
1."We demand the power to rule the country the way we want!" cries Thomas Dodinas while being dragged before you in chains. "Too long have you and your dictatorial government been allowed to control our lives! The right to vote in a fair and free election is all we crave! You can take our lives, but you'll never take our souls! Elections for Snoozing Buffalax!"

2."If you'll take my advice, we should just send these crazies down to the dungeons," murmurs Wil Mistletoe, one of your political advisors. "If we let them spread this propaganda we'll soon have a revolution on our hands! We should crack down on these groups, and ban non-governmental political organisations to keep the people from getting too frisky with their pitchforks."

3."There's no need to be quite so dramatic," assures Sean Sparkle, your minister of Silly Walks as he pinwheels past. "We could let them have their way a little, just to keep them happy, you know? We could give them the right to vote, but not the right to run for office. Then we could just pick out the candidates we wanted and they could choose! We've been doing this for years, we don't want some uppity new bloke trying to tell us what to do."

Out of everything in this issue, this is the one thing that stands out to me.

The Sultanate of Snoozing Buffalax has a Ministry of Silly Walks.

Just...what.

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