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alkonost_stormA haggard group of new recruits in Snoozing Buffalax's army have spoken out against the brutal conditions experienced in their military training.
The Debate
1."It's atrocious!" wails Private Billy du Pont, from amidst the cacophony of a parade cadence. "We're forced to sleep in crowded barracks, on hard cots, and do the most inhumane exercises when we wake up! Just today I've had to crawl through a muddy minefield, climb a grease-coated wall, and to top it all off, get mangled by an angry drill sergeant! All we want is a little respect from the officers - maybe to sleep in until noon, and not have to get all sweaty and tired doing stupid things like marching and climbing ropes. Oh, and private bedrooms too - we're risking our lives for the country, after all."
2."THEY WANT WHAT?!" screams Sgt. Burkz, while pressing back a rising vein on her neck. "This is WAR, not DAYCARE! If anything, the training standards should be tougher! If I want to whip some pasty-faced, beer-gutted greenhorn because he can't climb over a razor-wire fence then I should be given the permission to do so right away! The cry-babies won't like it, but they can run home back to their rich daddies if that's the way they're having it. War isn't a walk in the park, and training shouldn't be either. For all our sakes."
3."Training, what a load of old hooey," says renowned spendophobe and radio announcer, Colin Patel. "The only thing it teaches our soldiers is how to shine boots and fight plastic dummies. We'd be better off if we just dropped them into the fight so they could learn to shoot for themselves. There might be a few accidents, but it'll be worth it for all the Smeerps we'll save."
4."There is another way, you know..." whispers Megan Wall, the Chief of Secret Projects and Shiny Things in Snoozing Buffalax's military research department. "What if we started taking children and raising them from birth to fight? We'd be able to make them completely immune to propaganda, psychological warfare, and demoralisation. Not only would that stop the crying new recruits, it'd also give us a powerful military edge. People may not like giving up their kids, but that's why we run the country. We know better."
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.
IDK if I want to cause an FF8 crisis but...yeah that's what I'm going for.
In response to number 1:
Elisif Baratheon slowly rises from her seat, her gray eyes turning an unsettling hue of silver to indicate her mood. "If you don't want to train then why the hell are you even in the army, Mr. du Pont?"
